Hallucinating in the work kitchen. Now there’s a fun new activity.

Huh. I’ve just run into my new boss while standing in the kitchen downing a handful of painkillers… While at my old work. I thought I was having an out-of-body experience, until I realised that nope, seeing is believing. To be fair, I do have something of a major headache so I can be forgiven for standing there staring at her for a few seconds before it occurred to me to respond to her “hello!”

In other news, my contract came through, and it turns out I’ll be getting paid more per hour than some prostitutes (not the high-end ones, obviously.) I’m sort of new at it, but I’ve decided I quite like this contracting business. AND it means more excuses to whip out my awesome business cards.

Adorable Fuck-Up – Because when I’m apologising for burning your house down, I’m cute as a button.

So. Last weekend I realised that my hot water was not working. Bummer. So I went outside with my torch, trying to pretend like I know how to fix things, and turned a few knobs, and made the electrician sound: “Hmmm”

Then I checked my gas bottle, and someone had turned it off. So I turned it back on, and the hot water was restored to my house! Huzzah!

Now. There are a few things wrong with this.

1. I live in the middle of nowhere.

2. Who the hell was around behind my house turning off my gas bottle.

3. Was I inside sleeping at the time? Because: Yick.

I think it was my landlord though, because she mentioned sending the husband around to check the gas for me. I’ll bet he came over, and turned it off, before realising that it was a full bottle.

I kind of wish they hadn’t bothered, because even though it was just the landlord or her husband, the idea of someone prowling around behind my house in the middle of nowhere while I was potentially sleeping inside – even with good intentions – makes me feel pretty yick about the whole thing.

I think said landlord thinks of me as a bit of an adorable fuck-up. I mean, the first time I saw her I explained that sometimes I accidentally set kitchen on fire, but I’d try really hard not to do it to her house. I’ll bet that’s why they feel the need to make sure I haven’t accidentally locked myself out of the house or choked on my own spit or something every weekend.

 

 In other news, my impending departure was let out of the bag by my boss this morning before I got in to work. So when I arrived things were unexpectedly chilly until someone mentioned that he’s heard I was going. All of a sudden the sideways looks began to make a bit more sense. Oops. I knew I should have pulled a few people aside yesterday.

I’m excited about the change of pace, but am also wondering what the heck I’ve just gotten myself into! Contracting is something I’ve never done before, and the number of ways the government wants to take money out of my paycheck for doing it is absolutely breathtaking.

Oversharing, and then some thinking outloud.

I’ve been having the most utterly disastrous day. Like, take the definition of awful: and then square it. And add in an unexpected need to change pants just TEN MINUTES into my morning at work.

Thankfully I had a skirt lying around in my desk draw from that time I grabbed the wrong gym gear from home.

So. I’m not talking about it, because it’s overshare, but I will say: that time of the month? Is a fucking LONG time! An entire fucking month worth, even. Then, after seeing my doc, and waiting it out, and beginning to think  ”finally the nightmare is over” IT COMES BACK. Like a bad B-grade movie sequel. UNEXPECTEDLY. In the middle of my 9am meeting.

(Do you like how I was all ‘I’m not talking about it, and then I did? I’m good like that.)

It’s getting to the point that every time I visit my doctor she looks at me like I’m a science experiment. She makes me keep charts. CHARTS I TELL YOU.

Anyway. So I’ve had a shitty day (hell, I’ve had a shitty fricking month) And then at lunchtime I had a coffee appointment with a TKD mate, and I arrive… And she offers me a job. Just like that. And all of a sudden? The rest of the crap that has been plaguing me today just fades away, because guys? This has to be fate. I’m sitting here looking at the end of my current project, thinking about where I want to be in the next month, and Bam. A job lands in my beskirted lap.

To be fair though, I haven’t signed anything yet, and I haven’t talked money with anyone, but I’ve been told hands down, all cards on the table, if I want the job, it’s mine. And if I impress, then it’s possible it’ll lead into a permanent position as a programme coordinator – which is exactly what I want to be doing.  

It’s risky because it’s short term… But then, I guess life is risky.

I think I’m going to do it. I just get a good vibe from the place. I know, going into it, that they’re terminally understaffed, and I’ll work harder than I think is possible right now… But I think the pay-off will be worth it.

Al Fresco

Brrr, winter has well and truly hit. I am sitting at my desk (typing industriously) with gloves, a scarf, and my warmest tights on.

What I am not wearing (overshare ahead) is underwear. And it’s not because I enjoy walking through one of the windiest cities in the world commando under my flippy skirt.

This is because I have this habit of leaving my laundry until the very last possible moment. As in: resigning myself to a visit to the laundromat when I’m on my very last pair of underwear.

It’s not that I hate the laundromat – I don’t. It’s interesting. It’s just that the seats are super uncomfortable, so it’s difficult to stretch out or relax and read, and there’s very little else to do there for two hours while you wash and dry. It’s pretty much sit and watch my clothes spin around a washing machine, or stand and watch my clothes spin around a drier.

So last night I finally dragged myself to the 24hr laundromat on the way home from work, with a massive basket full of unwashed clothing. Then I dug through my purse looking for my laundromat debit card… and it wasn’t there. So I emptied my bag onto the front seat and found five pens, an unpaid parking ticket, and NO. FREAKING. LAUNDROMAT debit card.

I sat staring at the grilled up window for a bit deciding if I could be bothered buying another card, and then topping it up (nope.) Then drove home, swearing most of the way.

Then, just before I went to bed (after having torn apart all possible hiding spots for a debit card) I remembered to put an apple in my purse for a snack today, and sitting on top of all the crap I keep in my purse was my stupid laundromat debit card.

I don’t know how it got there, how I didn’t see it when I was pulling my purse apart in my car, or why it wasn’t where it’s usually kept – in my wallet – and I don’t want to know. Maybe I just wasn’t supposed to do laundry last night. Maybe the universe wants me risking dignity al fresco today.

Today I am frustrated – mostly because I’ve done this kind of fun awesome piece of work, but because other people are dragging their heels I can’t show it off at work yet! It sucks because it’s the first thing I’ve done at this job I’ve felt really excited and proud of.

Anyway. I think I need a distraction.

So last night I ran out of gas – as in, the gas that heats my hot water. So naturally I troop outside at nearly midnight to change it, because, well that’s how I roll.

Also? there was a total spider invasion, of the imaginary kind.

Shannon: Holy shit, Spider! Massive spider! On my leg! Biting and – oh. Purring like a maniac. It’s just my freak cat.

Shannon: Right now to get the replacement gas bottle out from under the house - SPIDER! On my hand! Ah it’s moving! No. Actually that’s just a tag  on the top of the bottle. Ok.

Shannon: Spi- nope the cat again.

Shannon: Holy crap spider on my face! Oh, wait, nope. It’s a leaf. And the cat is biting my feet again.

I have to say? That coupled with the fact it took me most of 45 minutes to do the job means it’s a miracle I haven’t accidentally set myself on fire already. At least when I was living with other people I’d have someone nearby to call 111 if I slipped and gave myself concussion while running around under-dressed in the spider infested garden trying to attach a gas bottle to my hot water system.

(Note: I didn’t slip and give myself concussion or anything, it’s just that I’m kind of clumsy sometimes, so it’s always a possibility.)